One of the places that will miss me the most is Mister Donut. I was there twice today and consumed in total four donuts and three servings of coffee. Perhaps not much sleep for me tonight.
The countdown to departure is at 59 days. I have less time left now than I did at the beginning of my 10-week trip here five years ago. Time flowed at a leisurely pace five years ago. Now it’s slipping away at an alarming rate. The week-in, week-out routine of classes and events devours ravenously what little is left in the hourglass.
The end of a stay brings reflective thoughts. There are two questions on my mind at this point:
With regards to #1, I think the answer is yes. Some people might feel like I came up short (“weren’t you supposed to go for two years?”), but I never had the support necessary to reach two years. I left with one year of support, and I have been here for one year. I am quite convinced that my stay here is nearing a complete state—I foresee neither loose ends nor regrets when I say goodbye.
The answer to #2 is much more uncertain. I don’t think I can answer it until I actually do come back. It would seem highly unusual if I never came back to Japan. I love studying the language, living in Okayama, and being a part of the church here. A perfect fit, by all human reasoning.
But I’ve resolved to not act rashly. If I am to come back to Japan, I want to come back permanently. If I jump the gun and try to force a return, I may end up having to abandon my plans mid-course. So I’ll need a clear sign from God (one could argue that my current feelings about Japan are enough of a sign) and the provision of a means to return. The latter means either a stable job so I can support myself or going the missionary route again where I’m supported by others.
At this point I fully expect to spend maybe two or three years working in the States before I am able to make a decision on this issue. I’m 23—it’s not like I’m in a hurry (I hope), and waiting until I’m 25 or 26 isn’t going to kill me. God probably has all sorts of things he wants me to learn before I return to Japan. Who knows—God might not bring me back here after all. There’s always that possibility.
Regardless of what my own personal desires are, it’s more important to wait on God at this time.